Rachel's ramblings...

The Campbellog

2008-05-17T11:40:00.001+01:00

New town, new job, new blog: The Campbellog

He giveth more grace

2007-11-14T08:18:00.000+01:00

He giveth more grace as our burdens grow greater,
He sendeth more strength as our labors increase;
To added afflictions He addeth His mercy,
To multiplied trials He multiplies peace.

When we have exhausted our store of endurance,
When our strength has failed ere the day is half done,
When we reach the end of our hoarded resources
Our Father’s full giving is only begun.

Fear not that thy need shall exceed His provision,
Our God ever yearns His resources to share;
Lean hard on the arm everlasting, availing;
The Father both thee and thy load will upbear.

His love has no limits, His grace has no measure,
His power no boundary known unto men;
For out of His infinite riches in Jesus
He giveth, and giveth, and giveth again.

Annie J. Flint

West Wales's most appetising snack

2007-11-13T10:11:00.000+01:00

R.I.P. SSRIs 2001-2007

2007-10-27T12:56:00.000+01:00

Six and a half years ago I was prescribed my first anti-depressant medication. A couple of weeks ago, I took my last (God willing!). Am I cured? No. But I'm much, much better than I have ever been, and am able to cope now without the meds.

This is a good time to look back, and testify to how good God has been to me through the illness.
He has given me so many good gifts:

* Medications which help to alleviate the symptoms of depression

* Doctors who prescribed them with caution and care

* Cognitive behavioural therapy - if you've had it, you'll know what I mean!

* Family and friends who have patiently loved me through the ups and downs

* My husband, who vowed to love me in sickness and in health, knowing more than most how hard this would be!

* Great promises in His Word

1 Corinthians 10:13 "God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it."

- although I sometimes believed things were too hard, and God couldn't keep this promise, He did.

* Himself - most importantly, through all of this He has been with me. He is my comfort and my strength, He is the One who keeps me and guides me through all the hard times, and the easy times. If the depression had not been from His hand, I couldn't have borne it - only the knowledge that this is from Him, for His glory and for my good, kept me going, and will keep me going, in the darkness. Psalm 56:8 says that God keeps all our tears in a bottle. None of our pain is wasted, and none of it is ignored by our Father. He loves me, and will keep me til the end. Praise God!

Take That, Marks and Spencers!

2007-10-08T14:54:00.000+01:00

I opened the paper on Saturday to find Take That sponsoring Marks & Spencers. Or is it M&S sponsoring Take That? Anyhow, it made me chuckle. Bless them, they're not the best models you're ever going to see, but they've obviously graduated from 'boyband' to 'manband' now. It's a beautiful thing ;)

Remember everything; forgive nothing

2007-07-30T10:54:00.000+01:00

So reads the tagline for the final Bourne film. In the pursual of justice, Bourne must remember all the offences committed against him, and punish the perpetrators.

This makes me think about God's justice.

"all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" (Rom 3:23) - by rights I stand condemned. God knows everything about me, and is under no obligation to forgive me. In fact, in order to be just, He must punish me.

But praise God, He has made a way to be just AND to forgive me, in Jesus. God punished Jesus for my sin, so that now I am righteous in His sight.

In Christ, God remembers nothing and forgives everything!

He says "I am he who blots out your trangressions for my own sake, and I will not remember your sins" (Isaiah 43). Because my sin was dealt with on the cross, God will not punish me.

David wrote in the psalms "Blessed are those whose lawless deeds are forgiven, and whose sins are covered; blessed is the man against whom the Lord will not count his sin" (Psalm 32).

This is a revolutionary kind of justice that the world cannot comprehend. An innocent man (God Himself made flesh) is punished as if He had committed my sins, and I go free. Now God chooses not to remember my sin, but to give me Christ's righteousness. This is the greatest kind of justice, where God satisfies His anger at my sin on the cross, and I experience His grace and mercy, and eternity in His presence!

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to His great mercy, He has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God's power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time" 1 Peter 1

Stranger than fiction

2007-04-14T14:52:00.000+01:00

Will Ferrell is an IRS agent who one day starts hearing someone narrating his life, and becomes alarmed when they state that he is soon to die. From this moment, he desperately seeks out whoever it is that is writing his story, to beg them not to kill him off. Maggie Gillenhal plays his love interest, and Dustin Hoffman is hilarioust as a professor of literature theory, who helps Ferrell deduce who the narrator is.

This is a very clever and entertaining film, but also really, really tragic. Because it's based on the premise that this life is all there is. So the most important thing for Ferrell's character is to find the narrator, and stop her writing his death. There are some really touching scenes as Ferrell comes to terms with the inevitability and immediacy of his own death - for the person without God there is nothing but terror when faced with death. There's no hope. Death must be avoided at all costs, because with it comes the end of all happiness.

How very different from the hope we have in Jesus Christ - that death is not to be feared, because Christ has the keys of death and hell! He has conquered death, and so all it holds for us is life eternal, in the presence of God, and the absence of sin and suffering.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time." 1 Peter 1v3-5 :)

Through Gates of Splendour

2007-03-22T14:36:00.001+01:00

Just finished reading a biography of five missionaries and their wives who served in Ecuador, and God gave them a burden for the Aucas, a tribe who had been mistreated by white men for generations. The five missionaries tried to befriend them, and earn their trust in order to share the gospel with them. Here's what one of the men, Nate Saint said, two weeks before all five were killed by members of the tribe.

"As we have a high old Christmas, may we who know Christ hear the cry of the damned as they hurtle headlong into the Christless night without ever a chance. May we be moved with compassion as our Lord was. May we shed tears of repentance for those we have failed to bring out of darkness. Beyond the smiling scenes of Bethlehem may we see the crushing agony of Golgotha. May God give us a new vision of His will concerning the lost and our responsibility.

Would that we could comprehend the lot of these stone-age people who live in mortal fear of ambush on the jungle trail... those to whom the bark of a gun means sudden, mysterious death... those who think all men in all the world are killers like themselves. If God would grant us the vision, the word sacrifice would disappear from our lips and thoughts; we would hate the things that now seem dear to us; our lives would suddenly be too short, we would despise time-robbing distractions and charge the enemy with all our energies in the name of Christ.

May God help us to judge ourselves by the eternities that separate the Aucas from a comprehension of Christmas and Him, who, though He was rich, yet for our sakes became poor so that we might, through His poverty, be made rich.

Lord God, speak to my own heart and give me to know Thy Holy will and the joy of walking in it. Amen."

Adoniram Judson and Wives

2007-01-23T12:45:00.000+01:00

I've just finished reading "Storming the Golden Kingdom", a biography of Adoniram Judson and his wives Ann, Sarah and Emily. Adonirum went as a missionary to Burma, a Buddhist country with his new wife Ann. Over the next thirty or so years he would learn the language, translate the Bible into Burmese, see many come to Christ and face the concequences of their profession in a country which vehemently opposed it. He discipled Burmese Christians to lead the church there and spread the gospel amongst their own people. He would know the joys of having children, and the distress of losing many of them. He lost Ann, then remarried, then lost Sarah, then remarried, and then Emily had to see her husband die.

His testimony is such a challenge, to live all out for Christ, to know the joy of sharing in His sufferings, to see His kingdom extended. I recommend reading anything you can about hiM!

Self harm: new page on my website

2006-12-22T16:02:00.000+01:00

My little sister is doing Relay this year, and for her elective she's been studying self harm. This is a massive area, and a huge problem amongst those who suffer from mental illness. It's important that, when caring for such people, we respond with sensitivity, but also with some understanding of the issue. There isn't much literature on this from a Christian perspective, so it's really exciting to have this:

http://www.freewebs.com/christianstudentsmentalhealth/selfharm.htm

The wedding...

2006-12-04T17:44:00.000+01:00

So Pete and I got married five and a bit weeks ago, sorry for the delay in posting! We were away in Ireland for two weeks, then I got the flu, and then I had to catch up on work, settle into my new home, etc...

Anyway, the wedding was great :) We really felt that it brought glory to God, and it was just thrilling to have all our friends and family with us for our special day.

As it was our wedding we got to pick some of our favourite hymns! We had 'Object of my first desire, Jesus crucified for me', 'Immortal invisible God only wise', 'The Lord's my Shepherd I'll not want', 'How deep the Father's love for us', 'We rest on Thee our Shield and our Defender', and 'Jesus Jesus all sufficient'.

The readings were both from 1 Peter, firstly 1v13-21, then 3v1-7. Allan preached clearly on the need for Christ to be at the centre of our marriage if it's going to have any chance of lasting, that He is the one who will help me to be submissive, and Pete to be considerate (1Peter3), and that Christ is the only hope for all of us - we need to be saved!

After the service we had coffee & cakes at the Community Centre opposite the church (just as well we didn't have to go far, as it was raining all day!), where we got to chat to lots of people, which was lovely.

The reception was back at the church, our ushers and friends from church did a lovely job of transforming the hall for the evening, and then transforming it back for the service the next day! Everyone enjoyed the day, it was nicely informal!

We praise God for a day which we feel honoured Him, and seek Him for the rest of our marriage, that He would use it to bring Him glory, however He sees fit to do so!

Saturday

2006-10-26T11:48:00.000+01:00

On Saturday I become Mrs. Campbell!

This site will have piccies (hopefully) soon after the event :)

Psalm 23...

2006-10-24T13:45:00.000+01:00

"Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever"
Read this this morning, God is so gracious. My mind's so busy at the moment I'm struggling to think straight, or to sleep soundly. The end of Psalm 23 is such an encouragement. God's goodness and mercy (or steadfast love) follows me each and every day. That includes today. And tomorrow, and the next day, and the next. And the wedding day, and beyond. And when there are no more days left, I get to dwell in His house forever. How generous my Father is :)

There just aren't enough hours in the day!!!

2006-10-06T19:22:00.000+01:00

This is something I've been thinking a lot lately - there's just not enough time to get everything done! But then it struck me - there are enough hours in the day. There are exactly the right amount of hours in each and every day. When God created the world, he created the days, and they were just the right length. So there is just the right amount of time to get all the things on my list done!

This probably sounds really obvious, but with 22 days til I marry Pete (big cheesy grin appears on my face at this point), I've been getting really snowed under with all that needs to be done. But the LORD is sovereign, He is good and generous to His children, so I can praise Him that each day lasts 24 hours, that there are 7 days in a week, and that this is just right. He is my kind and loving Father who has provided for every need, without fail. He will provide for the next few weeks, just as He has every other day of my life. There's no cause for stress, I can have peace knowing that He reigns :)

*ah*

Now I would really value prayer for the wedding: half the congregation will be unsaved, so do pray that those who've been invited will come, will hear the gospel preached clearly, and will be saved!! Also pray that it would be a real time of praise to God, and that our marriage would be centred round Christ from the start. We want to serve Him, and to reflect Him in our life together.

Oooh it's exciting :)

This makes me chuckle...

2006-09-30T13:04:00.000+01:00

This image has been plastered on buses around Swansea, and it makes me laugh. Today Glamorgan, tomorrow who knows? Well, yesterday Glamorgan, today office admin. Hmm, maybe I'm not the best advert for them....

I'll write something more useful soon - just snowed under at the moment with busyness!!

Where have I been?!!

2006-08-24T12:20:00.000+01:00

Ok so I haven't blogged for ages, I've been out and about doing this and that, lots of wedding planning (and stressing), also went to Aber last week to do the kids work, which was great...

On Monday night we heard Gwyn Williams preaching on James, how we need to be doers of the word, not hearers only. The kids we were working with have all been hearers of the word from birth, but very few know the reality of Christ in their lives. This was a real challenge, to exhort them to trust Christ as their personal Saviour, not to just rely on their knowledge of the truth.

Thursday night Liam Golligher preached on Psalm 2, and the certainty of judgement. This was also a big help, to be reminded that without Christ we will all perish - this gave greater urgency to what we were doing with the kids. And what an amazing privelege to be able to share Jesus with them!!

That's all for now, I have to pack up my house and clean it before I move out on Saturday!!!

Christian Students' Mental Health

2006-07-07T21:18:00.000+01:00

Ok, so this was my Relay elective thing last year, and in the grand tradition of relay electives (oops, sorry Andy), I didn't get round to doing it properly. Well, I'm having a go now at putting it together properly, you can see what I've done so far by clicking here.

Any comments, criticisms, additions would be gratefully appreciated.

Compromise is not an option!

2006-06-27T19:59:00.000+01:00

The first two chapters of Judges have really convicted me about the sin in my life.

So at the start of Judges the people are entering the promised land, Canaan. God has explicitly, repeatedly told Israel that when they enter a city, they must utterlly destroy the people there.

1v28When Israel grew strong, they put the Canaanites to forced labor, but did not drive them out completely.
[This pattern is true for Benjamin, Manasseh, Ephraim, Zebulun, Asher, Naphtali.]
2v1Now the angel of the LORD went up from Gilgal to Bochim. And he said, "I brought you up from Egypt and brought you into the land that I swore to give to your fathers. I said, 'I will never break my covenant with you, 2and you shall make no covenant with the inhabitants of this land; you shall break down their altars.' But you have not obeyed my voice. What is this you have done? 3So now I say, I will not drive them out before you, but they shall become thorns in your sides, and their gods shall be a snare to you."

The more I've thought about this, the more it's gripped me. Israel are God's people. He tells them to be holy, not to allow any uncleanness in their land, because they belong to a holy God. So the locals must be destroyed. And Israel think, "Ok, so we've conquered these lands now, and we're really strong - we won't kill the locals, we'll keep them as slaves. We know what God said, that these people will lead us astray, but we're strong - we can contain them.". But God says NO - I gave you a specific command to get rid of them. You haven't obeyed it, and don't think I'm going to give you the strength to contain people I told you to detroy!!

What a clear rebuke to me. Why do I keep favourite sins in my life, thinking I'm strong, I can handle it, it won't take over? How ridiculous! God says to get rid of ALL sin in my life. If I think I can keep some little ones for myself, then He isn't going to give me strength to deal with them! God doesn't give us power to manage sins, but to pluck them out! God has redeemed me, made a covenant with me, and called me to live a holy life, because He is holy. So NO sin is acceptable.

Praying that the LORD will continue to deal with the areas where I compromise on holiness!

If I should die, think only this of me...

2006-06-23T19:12:00.000+01:00

I've found the text I want for my funeral...

13But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep,
that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. 14For since we
believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep. 15For this we declare to you by
a word from the Lord, that we who are alive, who are left until the coming of
the Lord, will not precede those who have fallen asleep. 16For the Lord himself
will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel,
and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise
first. 17Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with
them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord. 18Therefore encourage one another with these words. (1 Thess 4)
Wow! What a fantastic hope we have in the Lord!!

If we can eat prawns, why is gay sex wrong?

2006-06-13T13:00:00.000+01:00

So reads the subtitle of John Richardson's excellent little booklet, "What God has made clean". In it he addresses the growing movement of Christians who defend homosexuality as a valid lifestyle choice, who argue that we cannot stand on the Laws of the Old Testament against homosexuality, because we clearly don't hold to other levitical laws (such as not eating prawns, not wearing clothes of differing fabrics, etc).

He explains how we should approach the levitical laws, and why some of them are relevent to us today whilst others aren't. Aside from the sexuality issue, it's really helpful to see why some laws still stand, while others have been abandoned. He also gives Biblical reasons why homosexuality cannot be a lifestyle choice for a Christian, taking us right through the Bible to explain this.

This booklet is helpful in understanding what the Bible says about sexuality, and defending our standpoint. I probably wouldn't give it to a friend who was struggling with these issues - it's more of a theological standpoint than a pastoral aide. But it is good to see this issue addressed in a clear, sensible way (without the unhelpful comments that sometimes appear in Christian books on the subject, like 'get yourself a husband/wife and you'll be ok!).

Other good stuff on the issue: True Freedom Trust produce some excellent booklets, IVP's Straight and Narrow is helpful, and 'Still Learning to Love' is really good addressing the whole issue with great insight and sympathy.

Deuteronomy 17

2006-05-29T21:55:00.000+01:00

Deuteronomy 17's very exciting - God tells Israel that He'll appoint a king for them, and the king has to get himself a notebook and write out the WHOLE levitical law, and read it all the days of his reign, so that he'll fear the LORD and lead the Israelites in the right way.

When God appoints a man to lead His people, that man is to soak himself in the Law, so that he fears the Lord and leads His people in ways of righteousness.

And God sent the promised King who fulfilled the Law, coming to be our righteousness, so we could be God's children, and follow our King :)

God's exclusive demands on His children

2006-05-27T14:51:00.000+01:00

Reading Deuteronomy, it's struck me again and again that God commands His children to worship Him alone. Then in chapter 12, He tells them they must worship Him where He tells them to - it's not good enough to offer a sacrifice in your own back garden, or eat your vow offering in your own town. When they settle in Canaan, God is going to set one specific place where Israel must come to worship, and this is the only acceptable place.

And it makes me think about the attitude I've come across alot amongst non-Christians - "I think God is big enough to accept me however I come to Him - it doesn't matter what I call Him or how I worship. It's sincerity that matters."

But in this passage in Deuteronomy I learn something about how God deals with people: They must come on His terms, not theirs. So it's not enough to be sincere, I must come in the only way that is acceptable to God. Under the old covenant, there was a physical place. In the new covenant, there is a Person. God has set Jesus Christ forward as the only One through whom we can come to Him. He will not accept sincere worship if it is directed through anything but Christ. "there is salvation in no one else, for there is no other Name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved" (Acts 4v12).

Praise God for the precious Name of Jesus Christ, that brings me to God, and keeps me in Him for all eternity!

If God is not absolutely sovereign...

2006-05-22T19:28:00.000+01:00

then suffering is to be feared. If God has not ordained everything that happens to me, and personally designed it for my good and His glory, then I have little cause for hope. If He sees bad things happen, and begrudgingly allows them, or is always trying to patch things up and make the best of a bad situation, then He is weak, and not the Rock that I can build my life on.

But praise God, He is in absolute control, He is the God of Abraham, the God of Job, the God of Paul, who does all things for His glory and His childrens' good. Therefore I shouldn't get frusrated when things don't go the way I want them to. I should stand with Paul and say I'm content in every situation, knowing that my Father has chosen it for me, to teach me more of Himself, to refine me, and to bring glory to His name.

I really need to remember this now, as I'm so prone to getting frustrated!!

Feeling icky...

2006-05-18T19:38:00.000+01:00

So I've managed to burn out after a very busy few months (involving lots of meeting prospective in-laws!!), I eventually ground to a halt on Tuesday. I haven't been taking enough rest, and have been too eager to be involved in everything!! So anyway I found myself crumpled in a heap on Tuesday morning, having to cancel all the things I'd planned to do that day, and for the rest of the week, and who knows, maybe longer. I was feeling really sorry for myself.

Then I did my quiet time, and what should come up that day in Search the Scriptures but Psalm 13:

"I have trusted in your steadfast love,
my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord
because He has dealt bountifully with me."

A big 'amen' leapt from my heart, quickly followed by a big 'sorry' for being so caught up in my own self-pity that I forgot all the riches God has lavished upon me, not least of all my salvation! Things may be hard at the moment, and I do find these down times frustrating, but God is still God, my salvation is still sure, and He still gives me many, many blessings each and every day that I should thank Him for!

Praise God for His divine appointments, for speaking to me even in the depths of self-pity, and gently lifting my eyes away from myself and up to Him!

Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine!

2006-05-11T20:05:00.000+01:00

I've been reading Hosea and Amos over the past week. Both prophets had a harrowing task, telling God's chosen people that He is no longer their God, that they have gone too far, and now they will face His just wrath against them.

But they also tell about God's plan for redeeming a remnant for Himself -

"I will betroth you to me for ever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. And you shall know the LORD." Hosea 2v19,20

"I will plant them on their land, and they shall never again be uprooted out of the land that I have given them" Amos 9v15

And this plan is fullproof. It is eternal. This is the plan sealed in the blood of Christ! How thrilling that here, in the midst of His anger, He promises mercy, and an everlasting covenant with His people. Nothing can separate me from God, because He has betrothed me to Himself, He has planted me and nobody can move me!

Praise God that salvation is all of Him, and so I am absolutely assured that He will keep me to the end!

Life imitating art...

2006-04-07T13:10:00.000+01:00

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/tyne/4886272.stm

hee hee!

2006-04-04T20:04:00.000+01:00

Sleepy head...

Just realised I haven't posted for a bit, so should probably check in and say hello. Nothing productive to say, my brain is all mushy at the moment. Too much to do, not enough time to rest!

It's not easy being green.

2006-03-15T10:52:00.000+01:00

"Now and forever"
...except it's not, and praise God for that!

Pete and I have had loads of engagement cards, a couple of which have the phrase "now and forever" on them. But this relationship is not for forever - it's just for now. In heaven there'll be no marriage, except that of Christ and His church. My only husband will be Jesus, my redeemer, and I will be part of the beautiful, spotless bride that He has prepared for Himself, the church.

Don't get me wrong, I'm looking forward to marriage. But it's so thrilling to have the eternal perspective, that one day we'll be in glory with Jesus, in the one perfect relationship we've been waiting for.

This is also really challenging, as the fact that this marriage (if it happens, DV) will only be for this life means that it must have some eternal worth, or there's no point to it. So the primary function of our marriage will have to be to bring God glory - when we get to heaven, I don't want either of us to feel regret, that we held each other back spiritually, or caused each other to live a lukewarm Christian life.

Praying that we would spur each other on in the race to win the prize for which God has called us heavenwards in Christ Jesus!!

2006-03-11T14:02:00.000+01:00

Podcast Shudall!

This is a noble campaign to get Andy's talks available to us all. I can't say better than Dave Bish has, so check it out his blog!

2006-03-09T16:12:00.000+01:00

Continuing with Leviticus…

(Apologies for the delay, wedding planning has been taking up far too much time!!)

So at the end of ch9 the people are down on their faces in awe of their God. Bearing in mind the nature of humanity, it is no surprise then to find Nadab and Abihu in ch 10 completely forgetting who God is, and daring to approach Him with a sacrifice He has not asked for. In the past twenty or so chapters there’s been repetition of “as the LORD commanded”, as the people follow His word to the letter. So ch10v1 jars with this, when it’s said “the LORD had not commanded them”. And as soon as this phrase comes, the judgement of God falls upon these two men, and they are instantly killed.

Aaron has no opportunity to grieve for his two sons before the LORD affirms “Among those who are near me I will be sanctified, …I will be glorified”. And so, in the proceeding chapters, God spells out to the people how they are to glorify Him in all areas of life.

Ch 11-20 are pretty well summed up by ch18v2-4; “I am the LORD your God. You shall not do as they do in the land of Egypt, where you lived, and you shall not do as they do in the land of Canaan, to which I am bringing you. You shall follow my rules and keep my statutes and walk in them. I am the LORD your God.”

So they are to eat differently (ch 11), not letting unclean things enter them. When uncleanness leaves them, they are forbidden from entering God’s presence (ch 12, 15). When they are diseased (ch 13,14), they are also prevented from coming before God, and in severe cases, they cannot even live among God’s people (there’s a striking parallel here with sin).

They are to sacrifice to God alone (ch17), not whoring after the gods of the land. They are to be sexually pure (ch18,20), to keep every one of God’s statutes (ch19), and to be kind to the poor (ch19). In all these ways they are to be set apart as different from all other peoples on the earth, sanctified to God.

So the motivation for holy living is the nature of the One who has redeemed them. They are the sole property of the LORD, the God of the whole universe. They have been chosen by Him to be His people, and so the are to reflect His nature in the way they live. Every part of their lives is to be pure, because their master is holy.

And now, that’s me. I am a child of God, saved by His grace, bought by the blood of His Son, set apart to be holy (1Peter 2v9). When I am tempted to sin, I need only look to my Redeemer, and see that He is altogether worthy, and utterly holy. My life is His, and as His child it is fitting that I live a holy life. What a massive challenge!

[I'll go back to ch 16 and the day of atonement next time!]

2006-02-25T12:59:00.000+01:00

Leviticus 1-9

Sarah and I have now ventured into Leviticus, and I have to say, wow. The holiness of God is so clear, and His great mercy in providing a way that we can approach Him. And the priests and the sacrifices all point so clearly to Jesus, it's thrilling.

I wanted to share something that really stood out for me.

Pretty much from Exodus 25 to Leviticus 9 you've got a list of specific commands from the LORD, followed by obedience by the people. Firstly on how to build the tabernacle He will dwell in, and secondly on how to approach Him, ie. with a substitute to make atonement. His instructions are explicitly clear, and again and again you hear the "as the Lord commanded Moses" mantra, as the people of Israel follow God's commands down to the last detail.

Then at the end of Lev 9 you get "And Moses and Aaron went into the tent of meeting, and when they came out they blessed the people, and the glory of the LORD appeared to all the people. And fire came out from before the LORD and consumed the burnt offering and the pieces of fat on the altar, and when all the people saw it, they shouted and fell on their faces."

So Aaron offers a sacrifice for the sins of the people, God is pleased with it and blesses them. Then He burns up and utterly consumes the sacrifice. So you can imagine the Israelites looking on, seeing God destroy the sacrifice, knowing that it has been destroyed for their sin. Because there was a substitute, they receive God's blessing, and the sacrifice receives His wrath. And the people shout out and fall on their faces.

And I think, is this my response when I see Christ taking God's just wrath against my sin instead of me? Am I completely humbled and rightly in fear and awe of my God? Sadly, most of the time the answer is no. Because I spend so little time meditating on the cross, and what it means. This is my problem, and I guess the problem of most of us.

Lord, fix my eyes on the cross, overwhelm me with the death of my Saviour, that I would truly understand that His punishment should have been mine, that my blessing should have been His. Only then will I truly live a life of worship!

2006-02-23T22:24:00.000+01:00

In case you haven't heard...

I'm getting married to Pete Campbell in October :)

God has, as always, been abundantly good, and has led us clearly since we started courting in December. We both feel convinced this is His will, and are very excited about it :)

Pete proposed last Sunday in a muddy field in Sandhurst, after we got approval from both sets of parents. Now comes the madness of planning the wedding, and preparing for marriage! Do pray for us, that we would fix our eyes on Jesus, that our relationship would be glorifying to God, and that He would continue to guide and lead us. I'd really value prayer as the wedding prep begins - the thought of it stresses me out!!

2006-02-15T15:22:00.000+01:00

On Valentine's Day...

Pete and I trekked down to Bristol to see Beth Orton at Colston Hall. She was brill!

The support, Clay Hill, were great, the singer had a beautiful voice, and they had a very cool guy playing double bass and the scissors (which featured in a song called 'beard', inspired by seeing lots of people with wierd beards at a festival. Brilliant!).

Beth Orton was fantastic. She has the most gorgeous voice, and great songs. She played a lot of new stuff, which was great. For the old stuff it was just her and her guitar - marvellous. And she's nuts - in between songs she told corny jokes, and was generally quite random.

Colston Hall's really nice - having only been to standing gigs in students unions, the CIA and places like that, it was great to be in a non-smoking, sitting venue without the smell of pot and the random drunk guys falling about the place. And they sell coffee and ice cream!! man, I really am getting old...

2006-02-11T15:33:00.000+01:00

On the second half of Exodus...

Reading thru Exodus 20-40, a few things have really struck me.

20-33, God has redeemed His people, and now calls them to a holy life. He gives the Israelites specific commands, including having no gods before Him, and not making graven images. The people are afraid to hear God speak, so tell Moses to go speak to God, and then pass on what He says. So Moses goes up into the mountain, and he's away for ages.

And the people get restless. While God is telling Moses how the people are to give their silver and gold for the building of the tabernacle, they are giving their gold to Aaron, to make them a graven image. He makes them a false god, an idol. God Himself spoke to them in ch 20, yet here they are in ch32 worshipping a golden calf, offering it sacrifices, giving it credit for redeeming them from Egypt.

So God tells Moses what the people have done. He tells Moses to stand back - He'll destroy the Israelites, and just make a people for Himself from Moses. Moses pleads with God, not on the basis of any worthiness in the people, but rather on the basis of His glory, and His covenant. Firstly, His glory - what would the Egyptians think of a God who redeemed His people only to kill them in the wilderness? Secondly, His covenant - God cannot go back on His word to their ancestors.

So God says ok, I won't destroy them. I'll give them the land I've promised them. BUT I won't be there with them. (In this bit you get the dreadful reference to God blotting people out of His book, 32v33, reminding us there's more than just temporal things at stake here). The Israelites at last seem to get it. They mourn. God has promised them a land flowing with milk and honey, but if He isn't with them, they won't be satisfied (33v15,16). Which really struck me - do I long for God more than material comfort? Does the thought of Him removing His presence terrify me?

So God promises to go with them. And they respond by abeying everything He has commanded with regards to the building of the tabernacle - in ch39,40 there are loads of references to the people and Moses doing all that God commanded. And when they do that, God comes and dwells amongst them, in the tabernacle. They make a house that is fit for the King. Now under the new covenant, God dwells in me. Am I fit for the King to dwell in me? Do I pursue holiness in my life, to bring Him glory?

I've loved studying Genesis and Exodus over the past few months, seeing how God sets a people apart from Himself, not because they are worthy, but because He seeks to show Himself as glorious to the whole world, and to show grace and mercy to these people. And when He redeems this people, He calls them to live lives worthy of the One who redeemed them, and continues to provide for their every need. God hasn't changed, He still saves people according to His grace, and for His glory. He still calls us (me!) to a holy life, to show the world how great our God is. What a massive challenge!

2006-02-09T14:06:00.000+01:00

Observations on waiting rooms....

I spend quite a bit of time in waiting rooms, and I've noticed a few things...

The music is generally inappropriate (eg. in the GP surgery, "There may be trouble ahead" was playing one time - I mean please, that's not gonna help anyone! Another time they were playing "dead in the water" by David Gray. Again, hardly helpful.)

The magazines are at least four years old, and yet are in remarkably good condition.

When old ladies who know each other meet in the waiting room, they have the same conversation - "Oh, hello love, how are you?" "I'm good thanks, you?" "Yeah I'm well". What??? If you're in the waiting room, then you shouldn't be well! If you are well, stop wasting the doc's time!

In the waiting room for the psychiatrist, they have magazines like Ok! with pictures of stunning, skinny women - please guys, your patients are largely neurotic and insecure about their self-image - don't leave that around for them!

In the dentists', they have a poster advertising organ donation. Is my dentist really that lethal??

Kids are the only people who make eye contact with you in the waiting room. Everyone else keeps themselves to themselves, in case
a) in the GP surgery, you have something contagious,
b) in the psychiatric unit, you are a psycho and will kill them.

Receptionists are generally (not always, but generally) confused. This manifests itself in inability to book appointments, to work out who sees which doctor next, etc.

Old people have no shame. They will happily talk loudly to the receptionist all about what's wrong with them.

2006-02-02T22:36:00.000+01:00

The gift of older, wiser Christians

This afternoon I had the real privelege of meeting up with Colin and Glenys Jones. He was the pastor in my parents' church during their courtship, he married them, and pastored them for the first few years of marriage and when me and my sis were small. It was so good to meet up with them, twenty years after, and to share how God has been so good to us. They can testify to God's faithfulness in their lives, and so can I. And it's just brilliant spending time with older, wiser Christians, to learn from them, and be encouraged by them.

God is so good, giving us older Christians who can teach us and help us. I was reading in Exodus 18, when Moses's father in law Jethro comes to see him. He looks at Moses's situation, and as an outsider, and an older man, is able to give Moses really good advice. Praise God for the wisdom that comes with experience and time, and can be of so much benefit to us young'uns!

2006-01-25T18:33:00.000+01:00

Today is St Dwynwen's Day

Dwynwen - the patron saint of Welsh lovers - lived in the 5th Century, one of 24 daughters of King Brychan Brycheiniog. The legend of Dwynwen tells of a Welsh maiden who fell in love with a prince, Maelon Dafodrill, who intended to wed her. But their marriage was not to be.
It is claimed Dwynwen had wanted to become a nun. She turned to God for help and dreamt that she was administered a sweet drink, which immediately saved her from Maelon's attentions. When the same drink was given to Maelon he was turned into a statue of ice.
Again she prayed, she was given three wishes - the first was that Maelon be unfrozen, the second was that she should never marry, and the third was that God should answer all requests made by her on behalf of lovers. That is why she is known throughout the country as the Patron of lovers in Wales.
And Pete gets full marks for turning up at my door this afternoon with a lovely bunch of flowers :) What a sweetie.

2006-01-21T16:07:00.000+01:00

Silly me...

I've been reading Exodus for the past week or so, and seeing how God had a purpose for Moses's life, how He prepared him for it, sent him away to have a quiet 40 years as a shepherd in the desert, then came to him personally. God Himself came and spoke to Moses, told him the whole plan of redemption for the Israelites from Egypt, and told him he was going to lead them out. God tells Moses His name, Yahweh, the LORD, who is and always was and always will be. He tells Moses He's going with him. And what does Moses do? He has a mare and says 'no thanks, send someone else!'. So God tells him again, I'm in control, I'll give you the words to say. And Moses still isn't buying it. So God is angry with Moses, but shows grace, in getting Moses's big brother to come with him to Egypt. So eventually, Moses goes.

So I've been meeting up with a friend in church for a few months, we've read thru Genesis together, and now we're studying Exodus. We keep seeing God's immense power, His sovereignty, His grace, His trustworthiness, His love for His chosen people. And we see again and again how stupid people are - how slow to trust God, how slow to learn that He is faithful. And this past week we were talking about the bit I've just described, Exodus 1-4.

We talked about how God has a plan for our lives, and are we willing to go where He sends us? Do we trust Him, do we want to live for Him 100%, do we truly understand that His way is best? Do we want nothing more than to live a life that brings glory to God, or like Moses, do we hesitate when God calls us out of our comfort zones?

And here I've been, feeling sorry for myself because I have to stay on meds for another year, because to be honest I hate my illness, I want an easier life, sometimes the fight is just too hard. Being told I have to stay on meds as I've had so many episodes reminds me that this is my lot. Deep down I hope that I'll wake up one day and it'll be gone. But really what I'm saying is that I don't like the way God's doing things in my life. I want comfort, and He gives me this. (By the way, He also gives me many, many blessings which make the illnes much easier to bear).

So God calls me to a life where I have to trust Him for everything, where times are hard, but He uses them to bring me closer to Himself, and to minister to others in similar circumatances. So why do I complain??

Like the Israelites, I'm slow to learn that God is altogether good, trustworthy and faithful, that He loves me and has a plan for my life that is for my good and His glory.

2006-01-18T10:55:00.000+01:00

Oh, bother....

Saw my doc this morning, and I'm not coming off the meds anymore. As I've had several 'episodes' I need to stay on them at least til the end of 2006. Poo! I want to be normal :(

2006-01-11T22:40:00.000+01:00

Coming off meds...

Ok, so here's the way it works: you get to the point where you're feeling stable, so you decide to come off the meds.

But this has to be done very slowly - this time, it will take me about a month to come off them, as you have to decrease the dosage slowly, or your body freaks out completely.

So during this month of lowering the dosage, my brain goes WHATS GOING ON?!!! and is generally confused, as it's serotonin levels are changing. So Rachel feels really strange, tired, sick, clumsy, weepy, etc while her brain adjusts to all this. So the feeling of 'ah, I'm so stable and don't feel at all crazy so it's time to come off the meds' is temporarily replaced by the feelings I've just mentioned.

So I need to remind myself that I am feeling better, cos for the next few weeks, I won't feel like it. But then it's worth it for that great feeling when I'm completely off the meds. Until next time.

You know it's a great encouragement that God never changes, that He's the same yesterday, today and forever - He is my firm foundation through all the storms of life :)

Here's a blast from my past - a poem I wrote when I first went crazy that got into an art exhibition called "Art works in mental health" 2003 - see page 2, Chloe Stranam (that's me, rearranged!).

2006-01-10T20:19:00.000+01:00

Public Service Announcement. (Bing bong)

Rachel would like to draw your attention to the following things.

* Something to make you smile: Edward Monkton's lovely gallery of profundities

* Something decent to stick on your stereo: David Gray's latest album, Life in Slow Motion. It's just gorgeous.

* Something excellent to read: John Richardson's God, Sex and Marriage. Very biblical, extremely helpful!

* Something dire to read, but probably useful to know something about: Dan Brown's The Da Vinci Code. A real page-turner, but mostly full of fluff. Heretical fluff, that is.

* Something good to read after you've read that: Christianity Today article on where we really get the Bible from, in response to Dan Brown's aforementioned fluff.

* Something to listen to on striving for godliness: Sermon on 1 Cor 9, (select Jan 1st evening semon.)

2006-01-01T23:02:00.000+01:00

Another year has now begun
With silent pace its course to run;
Our hearts and voices let us raise
To God in prayer and songs of praise.

Father, Thy bounteous love we bless,
For gifts and mercies numberless;
For life and health, for grace and peace,
For hope of joys that never cease.

O Son of God, in faith and fear
Teach us to walk as strangers here,
With hearts in heaven, that we may come
To where Thou art, our Father's home.

Grant us, O Comforter, Thy grace,
And speed us on our earthly race,
In body, spirit, and in soul,
Right onward to the heavenly goal.

Thou, Lord, who makest all things new,
O give us hearts both pure and true;
That we, as jewels, ever Thine,
In new Jerusalem may shine.

Blest Three in One, to Thee we pray;
Defend and guide us on our way;
That we at last with joy may see
The new year of eternity!

Christopher Wordsworth

2005-12-31T12:26:00.000+01:00

A truely genius film, but I'm really not sure why...

Napoleon Dynamite is hilarious, completely random, a lot like the Life Aquatic.

Marvellous :)

P.S. Oh, and it's a PG, so it's good wholesome fun for all the family. And there are no classically beautiful people in it, so it's not unhelpful.

2005-12-06T18:37:00.000+01:00

Of all the elements of Christianity, the most repugnant is the notion of the Christ who took our sins upon himself and sacrificed his body in agony to save our souls. Did we ask him to?

So reads Polly Tonybee's article in the Guardian, commenting on the new Narnia film (full article here). This is heartbreaking, but this is the human heart without God. We find Christ disgusting, an offense to our pride, an unnecessary embarassment. Few would say it so blatantly, but this is how every human heart feels when presented with Christ. We need to pray, and pray without ceasing, because it's only the Spirit who can open blind eyes and break cold hearts to see the beauty and wonder of Christ.

2005-11-24T10:23:00.000+01:00

On being a link in the chain...

How thrilling to see that God has been answering my prayers and I didn't even realise it. Since starting my job I've been praying for opportunities to share the gospel with my boss, but have found it really difficult to get into meaningful conversation with him, as we're so different - in terms of age, outlook, bank balance (!!), everything. I've been working hard, looking to be a witness to the supreme greatness and worth of Christ in the way that I serve (Col 3v17), but have felt disheartened with the lack of opportunities for actual gospel conversation. Then at a work conference, a good friend of my boss came alongside me and thanked me for making my boss think about spiritual things! He told me that my boss had come to him and asked him what it meant to be an evangelical Christian (as that was what I'd identified myself as, and so does his friend), and they had spent some time talking about the gospel! How thrilling that God was answering my prayer all along, and had caused my boss to think about spiritual things by something little I'd said, which had led him to ask his good friend to explain it all to him!

God is so good :)

2005-11-18T19:56:00.000+01:00

Stuart Olyott preaching on depression - wow - so true, so helpful, so rare!!

http://knowyourbiblerecordings.org/sermons.php?code_prefix=ITA

2005-11-12T17:56:00.000+01:00

"Make Me Pure - but not yet" - song by Robbie Williams, sentiments resonating around the church.

Oh Lord, please make me pure - but not yet
I don't have to try I just dial it in
I've never found a job that for me was worth bothering
I got a ton of selfish genes and lazy bones
Beneath this skin
Oh Lord, make me pure - but not yet

This song from his latest album really struck me. He was being interviewed on Radio 2 a couple of weeks ago, and when asked about this song, he said that he's got loads of vices that he knows are really bad for him, so he should give them up. But he enjoys them too much, so doesn't want to give them up yet.

And it really got me thinking. We ("Christians") have our identity in Christ, an identity and relationship that demands purity - we are a chosen people, set apart, to be holy and blameless, shining like stars in this crooked generation. But is that how we look? Are we shining like stars?

As I look in my own heart, and look around, I don't see much shining. I see fading in, blending in with the darkness around us. Because although we're happy to abstain from many sins, there are always some that we keep close to our hearts. The sins that give us pleasure, that make our lives more comfortable. The ones we think aren't that bad. Sometimes in a meeting or when reading the Word we'll feel convicted and pray "Lord, make me pure", but deep down we hope he won't do it just yet. A couple more years, enjoying whatever vice it is, and then maybe in the future some time we'll give it up.

But with that attitude we'll nevergive them up. We'll keep them in our hearts, and let them inhibit our relationship with God, and grieve His heart. Because we're looking at ourselves. If we were to turn our gaze fully on to Him, we would be ashamed. We would throw away whatever trash has been stealing our affections from Him, and beg Him for mercy. And we would live lives that count for eternity. Our friends and colleagues would see Christ in us. They'd see people who don't live for themselves, but spend al their energies seeking to glorify God.

Lord, break down my self-centredness, my obsession with my own needs. Show me your face, your glory, and humble me, bring me down to the depths of humility so that I fall at your feet crying for mercy. Then use me, as your vessel, to proclaim the gospel to those who are perishing, and to encourage my brothers and sisters. (Psalm 51)

2005-11-08T20:09:00.000+01:00

Swansea University Houseparty
28th-30th October 2005

Seminar:

“Motivation for study”

What is motivation?
Motivation: “an inducement or an incentive; something that leads us to act in a certain way to achieve a goal.”

Why do I find it so hard to study?!!
It's boring & often seems pointless

Better, more interesting things to be doing

Would rather do something for God, e.g. witnessing to friends, serving church/CU

etc

___________________________________________________________________

God’s design for humanity: Genesis 1v20-31

What sets people apart from animals?
We were made in God's image - we reflect something of God, He is a creative, thinking being, and so are we. We have the ability to learn and process and use information in a way animals can't.

What is God’s command to man, v28?
Fill the earth and subdue it - to subdue I need to learn how the earth works, as I'm doing in my degree, whatever that might look like! We were designed to work. Work is not, contrary to common belief, a result of the fall!! It is part of what we were made to do.

Great quote...
“A Christian who is convinced that this is God’s world, that all truth is God’s truth, and that he is called to serve God in his studies, will begin to experience in even the most difficult of subjects a sense of excitement as he discovers more of the complexity, unity and beauty of the manifold works of God.” Jonathan Lamb
___________________________________________________________________

Christ’s design for His church

1) Remember who you are, v1-4
You are in Christ, you have died to self and been raised with Him. So all that you do in your life now, you do in Christ. The whole of your life is to be used to worship God!

2) Be true to your identity, v5-17
Because you are in Christ, sin is no longer fitting for you. Therefore get rid of sin, and put on things that are Christlike. [Note that study is not one of the sins we must put off!! It is not an unworthy occupation, so don't use that as an excuse to slack off!]

3) Show who you are and whose you are in the way you work, v22-24
Here Paul's talking to slaves, but he gives them a work ethic that we can apply to our studies. Work in a manner worthy of Christ. Your work is part of your worship to God, so do it well, even when nobody's watching over you! And by the way, your coursemates are watching you. Are you studying in a way that shows you have been raised with Christ, or are you discrediting the gospel by your behaviour in this area?

Note that academic work does not take second place to more “spiritual” work!

“I believe it is no more necessary to be faithful in preaching the gospel than in washing up dishes… It is not for us, in any case, to choose our work. And if God has chosen it for us, hadn’t we better go straight ahead and do it, without waiting for anything greater, better or ‘nobler’?” James Fraser, missionary to China

Our whole lives are to be occupied in worshipping God and bringing glory to Him. Therefore it is not acceptable to let my studies suffer because I'm so involved in church/CU - doing so is NOT holy, and even if other Christians are impressed by it and think you're really holy, it's rubbish! Don't neglect the very thing you came to university to do and thereby bring shame on the gospel.

___________________________________________________________________

How to be a lazy, unproductive, good for nothing student: the example of the sluggard

In each of the following passages, what is the sluggard like? How can we be like this?

Proverbs 6v9-11

10v26

13v4

20v4

26v13-16

Laziness is sinful, makes us look ridiculous, and people will see us as unreliable and annoying!! We must not be like this - remember, we are in Christ now!

And now, how we should behave: the example of the ant!

Read Proverbs 6v6-8. What is it about the ant that makes her a good example for us to follow?
She works in the summer to store up food for the winter - we should be working consistently too. Just because you haven't got any deadlines or exams for a couple of months, doesn't mean you should slack off - work consistently, and you'll be best prepared for assessment.
Also, she works without anyone pressuring her to do it. At uni your parents aren't there to nag you, and your lecturers won't notice if you never hand anything in. But remember that you are not out to please people, but God. Therefore work hard, knowing that He sees you, and will be pleased with your faithfulness.

And in case you haven’t got the hint yet, a few more passages that tell us how we should behave…

Psalm 111v2
Study shouldn't be boring, we are studying the things God has made!
Titus 2v9,10
You discredit the gospel by slacking off - you make it attractive by working well.
2 Thessalonians 3v10-12
Every one of us should earn our keep.

___________________________________________________________________

Practical pointers for studying well

1) Make sure you have a good environment to study in – temperature, lighting, noise levels, space, comfort
2) Keep focussed on the purpose of study
3) List and do tasks according to priorities
4) Break tasks down into manageable bits
5) If you’re really struggling with something, speak to your tutor
6) Be realistic in the targets you set for yourself
7) Give yourself rewards for studying
8) Study with coursemates
9) Take breaks when you need them – they’ll help you to concentrate
10) Keep Sunday special, use it for worship and rest – we were not made to function without it!
11) Plan activities outside of work during the week, eg. sports
12) Watch your diet – limit sugar, caffeine and junk food!
13) Get 7-9 hours sleep every day
14) If there are real issues preventing you from studying (ie. illness or circumstances), speak to your tutor.

Recommended reading:

First and foremost, you need to be daily reading your Bible, praying that God will show you more of Himself and keep your eyes fixed on Him.

Then make sure you read the texts your tutors recommend – they’ll help you to understand the course better, and enjoy it more.

2005-11-03T16:53:00.000+01:00

Ephesians 1v17I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. 18I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints

Over the past few weeks, seeing old friends, studying Titus in YL, hearing Ian Walsh preaching at Swansea Uni's CU houseparty (where I did a seminar on study! More of that to come), and generally just thinking about things, I've seen again the importance of growing in knowledge of who God is. As soon as I take my eyes off Him, I start to drift, to lose heart, to get bogged down in the things of this world. My strength comes from Christ, so I need to always have my eyes fixed on Him. He is, and always must be the supreme object of my affection, so I need to spend time daily meeting with Him, learning of Him from His Word, and speaking about Him with others. When He is central in my life, everything else will be rubbish in comparison, and I'll be willing to serve Him wholeheartedly, whatever the cost.

The other thing I've become more and more convinced of is the need for true fellowship in the church. We are a family, and as part of the same body we need to be concerned for each others' spiritual wellbeing. We need to be asking each other big questions about how we're doing, where we are, what our relationship with God is like. If we're not holding each other accountable it's too easy for individuals to slip away without anyone knowing. It's so easy to talk about nothing with people, but if I really love my brothers and sisters, I'll point them to Christ, and they'll do the same for me.

John 13v34"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."

2005-10-26T19:39:00.000+01:00

We've come a long long way together...

Went home for a couple of days, and was wandering round different places that bring back memories. I think most of those memories are from 2001, the year I became seriously ill. It seems like another world now, but then I was housebound, struggling to survive, completely reliant on the doc at the hospital, scared about everything, completely hopeless. I've not known anything that horrific since, and I'm so thankful to God for that.

Going back made me see how far I've come since then. I still bear the scars, and so do my family, and my church, and friendships from that period. But to see how much God has brought me through, showed me Himself, and truly taught me that His power is made perfect in weakness - that's just mindblowing.

And yet I forget so soon! Lord, help me to always remember the valleys you've taken me through, so I will never cease to praise your faithfulness.

2005-10-07T17:59:00.000+01:00

The source of my security...

What makes me content, gives me peace? "Christ, of course", is my response. But I've realised that in the past few weeks, I started to get my security from my job. Sad, I know, but having a regular, stable, paid job (contrast with relay in all of these things!!!), made me comfortable. And that has taken precidence over Jesus. I was really challenged about this on Sunday, God showed me that I've grown to love having a regular job, as if that is what gives me security. So much so that I was afraid I'd lose my job for sharing the gospel with a colleague who didn't like it the other week. I was actually scared that I'd be sacked, because then I'd lose my security. (I know, ridiculous). Praise God He is so patient, and rebuked me thru the preaching on Sunday.

My security does NOT come from a regular job with regular hours and regular pay, as much as those things appeal to me. My security comes from the LORD, the creator and sustainer of the universe, the one who loved me enough to send His Son to die for me, so I could have relationship with Him. He is the one who holds my future in His hands, who has planned out my life and ordered it all. So why do I fear losing my job? God is sovereign, and will do what is right and good. So whether I have a job or not, I am safe in Him.

I've memorised that verse in Colossians, "Whatever you do, in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to the Father through Him". My job is part of my service to Him. It is not a comfort blanket that I can take solace from!!

2005-09-27T19:10:00.000+01:00

Sharing the gospel - what a privelege!

How thrilling. This morning I spent an hour talking to a guy who has many, many questions about God, he has a confused worldview based on his catholic background, but has met evangelical Christians in the past and they've witnessed faithfully to him.

It was so exciting to share with him great truths from Scripture - that our assurance of heaven comes from Christ alone, that He will be the glory of heaven, that God is worthy of all our praise, and we are most content when doing what we were created to do - praising Him.

Praise God for His glorious gospel!!!

2005-08-30T21:08:00.000+01:00

Neglected foretaste of heaven...

"Is it not tragic that professed believers have to be cajoled, almost goaded, into worshipping God? The 'quiet time' of personal devotion is neglected by so many, as if it were a tedious burden. Modern Christians are ready to busy themselves in almost any religious activity but that of quiet communion with their Lord, regarded more as a duty than a delight. They hope to go to heaven, claim to be looking forward to it eagerly. Yet the essence of the heaven they profess to long for is that communion with Christ in which they show so little interest!"

A challenge from Edward Donnelly's book, Heaven and Hell. I say I long for heaven, yet spend so little time in communion with God. And in neglecting my quiet times I neglect that foretaste of heaven, where I'll have perfect, eternal communion with Him! Craziness.

2005-08-22T12:15:00.000+01:00

The weirdness of seeing a psychiatrist...

Saw the shrink this morning... it's just weird, I don't know... There's something very un-British about talking to someone about how you're feeling and what you're thinking. Especially talking to a guy you don't really know, but who has the misfortune of being employed to try and get some order from the mess that's in your head. Like a surgeon, but with words...

It can't be brilliant for your self-esteem, being a psychiatrist - it's on a par with being a dentist. Every patient dreads seeing them, and can't wait to get out of their office. It's uncomfortable, stressful, and you just want the guy to give you a clean bill of health so you can clear off without experiencing any pain. Or to give you some painless remedy. Yeah, they're not going to win any popularity contests...

Maybe psychiatrists and dentists should get together, have their own support group.

Although I guess psychiatrists, like the rest of us, probably aren't too keen on dentists either...

2005-08-19T17:21:00.000+01:00

"Meaningless! Meaningless!" says the Teacher. "Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless." Ecclesiastes 1:2

I just finished reading the Hitchhikers' Guide trilogy (of five books) - really entertaining books, but the ending is so bleak! After searching for meaning, for love, for entertainment, for ways to prolong life, it just ends - and there's nothing. No meaning, no hope.

But then, without God, I guess that's just the way things are. You can distract yourself temporarily with things, with people, with busyness, but ultimately it all stops, and at the end there's nothing. Nothing to hope for. What kind of a life is that?

And what's worse, is that at the end there isn't nothing - there's eternity in hell.

Praise God that in His grace it doesn't have to be that way. And He's given us the good news to share with people around us, people who are without hope, mainly ignorant of the future ahead of them. What a privelege to be able to share Christ with them!

"I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." John 10:10

2005-07-25T18:01:00.000+01:00

27 days and counting...

Hmm, so it's 27 days since I came off medication. For the first time in over four years, I am not dosed up on antidepressants! My brain is not being altered, messed up or assisted (depending which meds we're referring to) in the management of my emotional state. Wierd. But good. I think. Time will tell I guess.

God's been so good, so faithful. I'm so thankful to Him for keeping me through the hard times, and bringing me through each time. And now I don't have a head full of pills - that's something to be thankful for :)

In other news...
I'm reading through Luke at the moment, and this verse really struck me:
"So therefore, any one of you who does not renounce all that he has cannot be my disciple." Luke 14v33
Jesus doesn't call us to half-heartedly follow Him when we can be bothered - He demands, and deserves, everything. He is Lord, so I need to renounce ALL else, and follow Him. Salvation is such an amazing gift, and He's given it freely - surely I should respond gladly to the call to surrender all to Him!

2005-07-16T16:10:00.000+01:00

John Newton - what a legend! A great hymn, expressing profound truth...

I'm posting this hymn because as I said, it expresses profound truth - but it's truth that has really scary implications for me, because I so badly want an easy life. I want to become more like Christ, but resist the cost of that.
I remember about 6 years ago being in a meeting where we were challenged about living a half-hearted Christian life, that this was not enough, that we had to surrender all of our lives, plans, desires to Christ and live totally for Him. I was so struck by this, I asked God to do whatever He needed to do to bring me completely under His lordship, that nothing else would have greater priority in my life, and that He would make me more like Him.
A year after I prayed that prayer my world completely fell apart, my plans for the future all fell through. I'd been convinced that God wanted me to pursue a certain career, but then He slammed the door shut. I was so confused, I didn't know what He was doing.
Then about 6 months after that I had a breakdown. Again, confusion followed, I could no longer trust myself, and nobody around me could understand or help me. There was nothing left but God. But that was when He really began to teach me that He is enough. When everything else fell apart, it was then He showed me that I actually didn't need any of those things, I just needed Him.
I've had five years of clinical depression now. I've had periods of complete blackness and despair, of emotional numbness, of being suspicious of everyone around me. All this while being in uni, someow studying for a degree and having leadership responsibility in the CU, and on Relay, with all that that involves. God has put me in situations I knew I couldn't possibly cope with. But here I am - He's sustained me through everything. And He's taught me again and again that He is enough. When I can trust no-one, when I don't know what's going on in my head or my emotions, when I can't take anymore, He has kept me. I've seen more of His faithfulness, grace, sufficiency and gentle care over the past four years than I ever did before.
This is not how I would have chosen my life to go - I'm a coward, and I shy away from any kind of hardship. But praise God that He overrules my plans in order to show me more of Himself, and bring me under His lordship.
So, after that longwinded intro, here's Newton's hymn...

I asked the Lord that I might grow
In faith, and love, and every grace,
Might more of His salvation know,
And seek more earnestly His face.

Twas He who taught me thus to pray,
And He, I trust, has answered prayer:
But it has been in such a way
As almost drove me to despair.

I hoped that in some favoured hour
At once He'd answer my request;
And, by His love's constraining power,
Subdue my sins, and give me rest.

Instead of this, He made me feel
The hidden evil of my heart
And let the angry power of hell
Assault my soul in every part.

Yea, more, with His own hand He seemed
Intent to aggravate my woe,
Crossed all the fair designs I schemed,
Blasted my gourds, and laid me low.

'Lord, why is this?' I trembling cried,
'Wilt Thou pursue Thy worm to death?'.
'Tis in this way' the Lord replied,
'I answer prayer for grace and faith.

'These inward trials I employ,
From self and pride to set thee free,
And break thy schemes of earthly joy,
That thou mayest seek they all in Me.'

2005-07-13T13:08:00.000+01:00

This looked a lot prettier when I did it in Word... ho hum :)

Rachel's Relay Year 2004-2005

Thanks for all your support this year! For my final prayer letter of the year, I thought I’d give you a bit of an overview of the whole year – things to praise God for, and things to continue praying for.

In June we had our last Relay training conference, in which we reflected over the past year, and looked to the future. It was such a blessing to meet with the other 68 relay workers from across the UK & Ireland, and to hear that God had been dealing with every one of us, teaching us more of His sovereignty and His grace. For each one of us this year has been a real mixture of struggles and joys, but through every situation God has drawn near to us, showing us His limitless love to us, and that His grace really is sufficient for each and every situation! So here’s a summary of my year on Relay…

Personal study
This year I’ve really enjoyed having the opportunity to spend time each week studying the core doctrines, and completing written assignments on subjects like the sovereignty of God, the deity of Christ, and the role of the Holy Spirit. As I’ve learnt about each of these, I’ve been able to pass on what I’ve learnt to the students I worked with, which has been great.

Team days
Every month all the UCCF staff and relay workers from across Wales met together for teaching and fellowship. These times have been really helpful, as we’ve shared the encouragements and struggles in each of our regions.
In Swansea I’ve been working with two other relay workers, Emily & Andy, and our staff worker, James Sercombe. It’s been a real blessing to work with them!

Relay conferences
We had three conferences where all the Relay workers from the UK & Ireland met together, in September, January and June. These have been vital in equipping us for the work we’ve been involved in. At each conference we were reminded of the need to rely wholly on God for all things, to keep focussed on Him and declare the gospel wherever we are. It was such a help to be able to meet with a big group of people who were in the same boat as me, to realise that they struggle with the same things I do, and to rejoice together at the ways God has blessed us.

National & Regional events
☺Straight after our first relay conference we had Forum, the national training conference for CU leaders. This was a great week with really helpful teaching. It was so good to meet so many students with a passion to share the gospel on their campuses.
☺New Leaders Training Weekend took place in March after the committees had changed over, and this was a fantastic weekend. The leaders of the Welsh CUs joined together, learnt from each other, and were eager to come and be equipped for each of their roles, so that they could be an effective witness on campus.
☺In the Easter holidays many students and UCCF staff & relay workers went to Word Alive, a national conference for all students. Although I was unable to go, those who went were greatly blessed, and came back with a clearer understanding of the grace of God.
☺In June we had the Welsh Girls Conference, a weekend away for girls from universities and colleges across Wales to come and learn about godly womanhood. This was a really blessed weekend, Toni Coulton spoke really helpfully on the given subject, and all the girls got on well. After we had to cancel the girls conference because of illness in February, it was such a joy to see it happen in June. And more than that, it went really well! Praise God for that.

Swansea University CU
The CU at Swansea University has been a pleasure to work with. The committees (old & new) have shown a real commitment to the gospel, and a desire to provide good teaching for the CU in the form of main meeting talks and weekly Bible studies. They have also been consistent in their efforts to share the gospel on campus, not just through CU led mission events, but in their personal witness to friends. The CU leaders suffer frustrations common to most CUs, in that there can be a problem with apathy amongst CU members towards getting involved in the work of the CU. However this is generally a strong CU, with good leaders. Do pray that their enthusiasm for the gospel would be contagious, that they would influence the more apathetic members of the CU for good.

Life after Relay
Relay finished at the end of June, and God has provided me with an ideal job here in Swansea. I’m working as a part time administrator for the Welsh Secondary Schools Association, a job which uses my organisational skills, and also is a lot less intense than relay! I’m hoping that a less tense job will help my health to improve, as over this past year I’ve had some quite bad periods of depression. I’d value your continued prayer.
· I’m working with non-Christians, so do pray that I’d have opportunities to share the gospel, and also have the courage to take those opportunities.
· Pray that I would continue to be disciplined in how I spend my time & money.
· Please pray that the lessons I’ve learnt this year would continue to impact my life, and that I would always depend on God’s grace, not my own strength.

The ongoing work of UCCF regionally & nationally
Pray for the Welsh team as new people join them in September. There will be 3 new relay workers: Sian, Kerry and Andrew. Heledd Job is the new staff worker for Swansea, and James Sercombe will take over as team leader. Pray for each of these as they take on their new roles, that they would know God’s help as they prepare to start.
If you’d like to keep up to date with what’s happening in university and college CUs across the country, contact the UCCF office and ask for the Focus prayer diary. It’s packed with news and things to pray for.
UCCF, 38 De Montfort Street, Leicester, LE1 7GP http://www.uccf.org.uk/

My contact details are unchanged.

Once again I’d like to say a massive THANK YOU for all your support over this past year, you have been a vital part of the work here in Swansea!

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. Ephesians 3v20,21