Oh, bother....

Saw my doc this morning, and I'm not coming off the meds anymore. As I've had several 'episodes' I need to stay on them at least til the end of 2006. Poo! I want to be normal :(

Coming off meds...

Ok, so here's the way it works: you get to the point where you're feeling stable, so you decide to come off the meds.

But this has to be done very slowly - this time, it will take me about a month to come off them, as you have to decrease the dosage slowly, or your body freaks out completely.

So during this month of lowering the dosage, my brain goes WHATS GOING ON?!!! and is generally confused, as it's serotonin levels are changing. So Rachel feels really strange, tired, sick, clumsy, weepy, etc while her brain adjusts to all this. So the feeling of 'ah, I'm so stable and don't feel at all crazy so it's time to come off the meds' is temporarily replaced by the feelings I've just mentioned.

So I need to remind myself that I am feeling better, cos for the next few weeks, I won't feel like it. But then it's worth it for that great feeling when I'm completely off the meds. Until next time.

You know it's a great encouragement that God never changes, that He's the same yesterday, today and forever - He is my firm foundation through all the storms of life :)

Here's a blast from my past - a poem I wrote when I first went crazy that got into an art exhibition called "Art works in mental health" 2003 - see page 2, Chloe Stranam (that's me, rearranged!).

Public Service Announcement. (Bing bong)

Rachel would like to draw your attention to the following things.

* Something to make you smile: Edward Monkton's lovely gallery of profundities

* Something decent to stick on your stereo: David Gray's latest album, Life in Slow Motion. It's just gorgeous.

* Something excellent to read: John Richardson's God, Sex and Marriage. Very biblical, extremely helpful!

* Something dire to read, but probably useful to know something about: Dan Brown's The Da Vinci Code. A real page-turner, but mostly full of fluff. Heretical fluff, that is.

* Something good to read after you've read that: Christianity Today article on where we really get the Bible from, in response to Dan Brown's aforementioned fluff.

* Something to listen to on striving for godliness: Sermon on 1 Cor 9, (select Jan 1st evening semon.)

Another year has now begun
With silent pace its course to run;
Our hearts and voices let us raise
To God in prayer and songs of praise.

Father, Thy bounteous love we bless,
For gifts and mercies numberless;
For life and health, for grace and peace,
For hope of joys that never cease.

O Son of God, in faith and fear
Teach us to walk as strangers here,
With hearts in heaven, that we may come
To where Thou art, our Father's home.

Grant us, O Comforter, Thy grace,
And speed us on our earthly race,
In body, spirit, and in soul,
Right onward to the heavenly goal.

Thou, Lord, who makest all things new,
O give us hearts both pure and true;
That we, as jewels, ever Thine,
In new Jerusalem may shine.

Blest Three in One, to Thee we pray;
Defend and guide us on our way;
That we at last with joy may see
The new year of eternity!

Christopher Wordsworth

A truely genius film, but I'm really not sure why...

Napoleon Dynamite is hilarious, completely random, a lot like the Life Aquatic.

Marvellous :)


P.S. Oh, and it's a PG, so it's good wholesome fun for all the family. And there are no classically beautiful people in it, so it's not unhelpful.

Of all the elements of Christianity, the most repugnant is the notion of the Christ who took our sins upon himself and sacrificed his body in agony to save our souls. Did we ask him to?

So reads Polly Tonybee's article in the Guardian, commenting on the new Narnia film (full article here). This is heartbreaking, but this is the human heart without God. We find Christ disgusting, an offense to our pride, an unnecessary embarassment. Few would say it so blatantly, but this is how every human heart feels when presented with Christ. We need to pray, and pray without ceasing, because it's only the Spirit who can open blind eyes and break cold hearts to see the beauty and wonder of Christ.