Silly me...

I've been reading Exodus for the past week or so, and seeing how God had a purpose for Moses's life, how He prepared him for it, sent him away to have a quiet 40 years as a shepherd in the desert, then came to him personally. God Himself came and spoke to Moses, told him the whole plan of redemption for the Israelites from Egypt, and told him he was going to lead them out. God tells Moses His name, Yahweh, the LORD, who is and always was and always will be. He tells Moses He's going with him. And what does Moses do? He has a mare and says 'no thanks, send someone else!'. So God tells him again, I'm in control, I'll give you the words to say. And Moses still isn't buying it. So God is angry with Moses, but shows grace, in getting Moses's big brother to come with him to Egypt. So eventually, Moses goes.

So I've been meeting up with a friend in church for a few months, we've read thru Genesis together, and now we're studying Exodus. We keep seeing God's immense power, His sovereignty, His grace, His trustworthiness, His love for His chosen people. And we see again and again how stupid people are - how slow to trust God, how slow to learn that He is faithful. And this past week we were talking about the bit I've just described, Exodus 1-4.

We talked about how God has a plan for our lives, and are we willing to go where He sends us? Do we trust Him, do we want to live for Him 100%, do we truly understand that His way is best? Do we want nothing more than to live a life that brings glory to God, or like Moses, do we hesitate when God calls us out of our comfort zones?

And here I've been, feeling sorry for myself because I have to stay on meds for another year, because to be honest I hate my illness, I want an easier life, sometimes the fight is just too hard. Being told I have to stay on meds as I've had so many episodes reminds me that this is my lot. Deep down I hope that I'll wake up one day and it'll be gone. But really what I'm saying is that I don't like the way God's doing things in my life. I want comfort, and He gives me this. (By the way, He also gives me many, many blessings which make the illnes much easier to bear).

So God calls me to a life where I have to trust Him for everything, where times are hard, but He uses them to bring me closer to Himself, and to minister to others in similar circumatances. So why do I complain??

Like the Israelites, I'm slow to learn that God is altogether good, trustworthy and faithful, that He loves me and has a plan for my life that is for my good and His glory.